We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
