the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
