Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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