I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize