He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
