All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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