she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
