I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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