ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
