i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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