hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
