I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
