oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
