I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize