dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
