tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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