tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
