Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
