my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
