look no pants
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
