Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
