Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
