so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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