Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
