Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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