Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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