Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
