I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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