The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
