Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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