Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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