Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
