the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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