i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize