you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
pray to the hookup gods
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
