Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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