I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
