i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
