I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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