love makes seman taste better
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's rum buckets o'clock
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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