i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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