And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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