You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
