So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
