apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
