Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
