Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
