So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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