Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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