You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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