Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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