he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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