I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
