I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ttyl tear gas
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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