Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
