WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
