I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
