I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
