I got chris browned last night
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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