That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize