Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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