If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
