Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize