all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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