i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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